Reflections on My First Two Years as a Teacher, Part II

I’ve spent the last two weeks on vacation with my family at their house in the States. It was very educational. I already knew they thought I was anemic, but I learned that I’m also deficient in B12 and vitamin D, that my skin can’t possibly be as pale as it is by nature, and that I should stop using aluminum foil because it will seep into my food and poison me. My sister also related a newspaper article she had read about a woman who got a parasite from her contact lens that made her lethargic, and maybe that’s why I don’t move enough.

I don’t even know how doctors check for parasites. If it’s anything like how they check cats for worms, though, I know I don’t want any part of it.

My new job starts in a week, and I’m fantasizing about a career as a stay-at-home mom. I may be malnourished, worm-ridden, childless, and unmarried, but I’d be great at the staying home part. I’m hoping for the best though, because teaching does have its joys. After my last post, one of my old students told me I should write about the funny things my students have done. It was a brave request coming from someone who chewed on staples during an exam and then got scolded by his mother for eating in class. So, here is a list of strange things my students have said and done. It is by no means exhaustive.

1. When I told the class they should enter the school talent show: “Why don’t you enter, Miss? You can dress up as a girl.”
2. When I told a story about a man jumping into the bushes to avoid walking on the street with me, presumably because he was conservative or shy: “He was probably scared of you, Miss. You look like an MMA fighter. Have you heard of Ronda Rousey?”
3. After I complained about the boys class to the girls: “Do you…like men?”
4. “The capital of Finland? It’s Denmark.”
5. After several students stated that women should be encouraged or made to wear hijab: “I want to see them!”
6. When one student was trying to persuade me to supervise the girls’ sports day (so they wouldn’t have class with me) and I asked him why I would want to go: “To lose weight.”
7. In a journal entry one student wrote about advice to his future wife: “You should be 95% honest with me. The other 5% will ruin our relationship.”
8. After several students wrote in letters to their future selves that they hoped they would have beautiful wives and I asked them if this was fair: “Well, not right now, but after I get a nose job…”
9. After I announced a quiz: “Welcome to your tape, Miss.”
10. Some things don’t lend themselves well to quote format but still need to be included, such as when one student set himself on fire, when one brought a jar of ground coffee to school and ate it, when one student brought an emergency car window breaker to school and someone else used it on the classroom window and someone else pretended it was an accident (apparently I taught them teamwork), and when one student got another student to pretend to strangle him to freak me out. And that’s only the stuff that isn’t too inappropriate to mention!