I usually hear this sentiment applied to women, as in, “Every woman is beautiful.” And my first thought is:
Is it so terrible to not be beautiful that we cannot admit any woman isn’t?
I don’t believe that denying reality helps. It just makes it seem that whatever we are denying must be really terrible if we can’t acknowledge it. People are aware that an attractiveness hierarchy exists, and this kind of rainbows and sunshine attitude doesn’t get rid of the hierarchy; it reaffirms it and insists we are all on the top of it. I just think of Animal Farm. All women are beautiful, but some women are more beautiful than others. Great. Now we are back where we started.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t believe in our own attractiveness. I think everyone is beautiful to someone. I think everyone has beautiful features, both internally and externally. But why is it considered a necessary part of a woman’s self-esteem for her to believe she is beautiful? Wouldn’t it be better to encourage women to believe their worth is not based on how pretty they are? What I hear behind these superficial empowerment messages is: Your value is still based on your attractiveness. That hasn’t changed. But don’t worry, because you’re attractive.
The ironic thing is that I don’t see these people arguing that Trump supporters are beautiful, or misogynists, or Karens. Everyone is beautiful—if they subscribe to a narrow ideology of leftist beliefs. But it doesn’t work that way. People aren’t physically attractive based on whether or not you think they deserve to be. What ought to be is not what is reflected in the world. And if you think what’s on the inside makes someone beautiful (a very nice belief), everyone is still definitely not beautiful.
People don’t talk like this about men. Many men do not consider themselves particularly good-looking, and they don’t care about it one way or another. They believe in other positive qualities that they have. They don’t think the majority of their value depends on their outward appearance. When a man accomplishes something great, we don’t throw in how handsome and sexy he is the way we make sure to throw in “beautiful” when we are proud of a woman.
We wouldn’t say everyone has an above average IQ because that’s statistically illogical, but we would acknowledge that everyone has a talent of some kind. The first statement is incorrect, the second is the truth. The truth is comforting. The truth is that you can be personally attractive without being conventionally beautiful. And if you aren’t particularly attractive, that’s fine too. A pretty face contributes so much less to the world than intelligence, hard work, and good character. It’s a lie to pretend that being valuable attracts as much attention as superficial beauty. But the world doesn’t reward what is should.
We are still obsessed with women’s bodies, and whether we insist on covering them, uncovering them, perfecting them, or going on about how perfect all of them intrinsically are, we are still placing more importance on the body than the woman herself. It is not empowering women to expand the definition of who deserves to be sexualized. Why is it so necessary to tell us every body is a bikini body? I’m not saying don’t wear bikinis, but where is the movement shaming men for not being comfortable in speedos?
It does end up being shaming. You are shamed for not loving your body more. But I think if I really love myself, I should tie it to something more meaningful than my body. I should be able to acknowledge I have features that are not ideal, but not be upset about this because who I am is so much more than that. Men, for the most part, are pretty covered up in everyday life. This isn’t because there is some kind of stigma against their bodies. It’s just that their bodies are not their defining characteristic and so no one cares much about what they wear. People are always telling women to either cover or uncover, but neither of those solves the actual problem, which is that women are defined by their physical appearances.
I am reminded of the words of Courtney Martin: “We are the daughters of the feminists who said, ‘You can be anything,’ and we heard, ‘You have to be everything.’” But it’s lie. You don’t have to be everything. You don’t have to be beautiful, you don’t have to balance a family and a career, you don’t have to love every part of yourself. You just have to be good enough.
Half-Blood Kuwaiti 